real women have curves. real women have one single, continuous, infinite curve. real women are a hollow sphere of mass 1kg, suspended in a void. calculate real women’s acceleration if real women is struck by an object accelerating east at 5m/s/s.
nine out of ten dentists recommend Colgate. the last one won’t stop recommending “the flesh of the innocent” and “thousands and thousands of skulls, staring, judging” and quite frankly we aren’t sure if he’s a real dentist or not
“Date someone who would rather watch your favorite movie with you then go to a party on Friday night. Date someone who will share their food with you even though you said you didn’t want any. Date someone who will warm your hands in the winter and kiss your pink nose. Date someone who will text you they love you at 2am and at 9pm. Date someone who will let you change the station in the car when they’re driving. Date someone who can make you smile when you would rather die. Date someone who makes your insides feel like you’ve just downed a bottle of vodka. Date someone who makes you better.”—(via jessielou24)
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
Harry wears bandanas and tight jeans and when he sings everything is so intense and sexy and then 0.2 seconds later he’s doing that thing where he puts his feet really close together and swings his arm and I want to make him some toast and give him a cuddle. Harry really confuses me.